Happy Father's Day

I'm one lucky girl.  There are so many wonderful fathers in my life.  My dad is just the best.  Talk about a man who has lived his life as an example for others.  It's inspiring, really.  You've read my take on losing my mother, but I can not imagine the pain that would be caused by losing the love of your life.  Not only that, but then having to continue raising your children on your own.  Wow.  My dad has been through what I can only imagine is the darkest time of his life with such grace and optimism.  I know he was hurting, but he did his best to stay strong for my brother and I and pull us back on our feet as a family.  He stood tall and continued to be a strong foundation for our family.  No matter what we have gone through, good times and bad, he has set an example to us in his relationship with Christ.  My dad has shown that with Him by your side, you really can do anything.  My dad has continued to be a great father to my brother and I and is also a wonderful dad to my "new" brother and sister.  Never would anyone look at their relationships and have the word "stepdad" come to mind.  He has been a real dad to them, too.  I love you dad; you're the best!

And of course, I'm married to a great daddy.  There is no one on this planet that could be a better daddy to my children.  Lance is also an inspiration!  I hear so many women complain about their husbands, and sometimes I actually find myself feeling bad that I can't join in the conversation!  Imagine that.  Why in the world would I feel bad about a thing like that?  Maybe I feel bad for those women who are missing out on what a husband and father is supposed to be.  Lance works so hard for us every day, and then comes home to work even harder.  He's not one of those guys who comes in and wants his dinner hot and then sits on the couch while I continue to care for our children.  Nope.  Not my guy!  He comes home and jumps right in.  Ladies, he even does dishes.  No matter how tired he is, he gives the kids a bath every night and tucks them in bed.  Don't get me wrong, he's not perfect.  There are definitely days where he talks to the boys a little more sternly than other days, but even in those times he's still a step ahead of other dads!  My boys are so blessed to have such a wonderful example to look up to.  They'll learn so much from Lance, like how to treat a girl and how to do hard work with your hands around the house and hopefully how to have a good golf swing.  Of course someone had to teach them to pee on the tree in the backyard!  And my daughter is lucky to have a dad to show her not to ever accept anything less than a boy who will treat her like the princess she is.  She will learn from watching him how a man is supposed to treat a woman, so she can seek a partner that will treat her with the same respect that her daddy treats her mommy with.  I could go on and on, but really, who wants to read about that?  Just know, that though I don't often "blog" about my husband, he's just the bestest daddy in the world and I'm lucky to have him in my life.

Sixteen Years

Let me preface this blog post by saying that God has given me an amazing woman to step into the mom and mimi roll.  It hasn't always been easy for any of us, but over time we've formed a wonderful relationship, and my children and I are blessed to have her.

I can remember it like it was yesterday.  I was about to spend the night with my best friend and go see Clueless in the movie theater.  I went back to the hospital after registering for my sophomore year of high school.  Stepping off the elevator to see the look on my uncle's face, I knew my mom had died.  Friends and family were crowded in an empty hospital room crying and loving on each other.  The long drive home.  Sitting in the front yard with friends who tried to make me smile while the grown ups sat inside.  Feeling devastated.  Numb.  Angry.  Confused.  So many emotions for a fifteen year old girl with her whole life ahead of her.  Going back to school and seeing the kids whispering.  Of course they were whispering.  What do you say to a girl whose mom just died?  That's one of those things no one thinks they'll ever experience, and it had just happened to someone they know.  The one person who acted like nothing had changed quickly became my best friend while I pushed away everyone that looked at me with sad eyes and said, "I'm sorry" for what seemed like the hundredth time.  The days dragged by, but eventually time began to pass a little faster, and I learned how to smile and have fun again.

In August it will be sixteen years since my mom died.  I still miss her terribly.  I think about her every single day.  Most days I have happy thoughts filled with great childhood memories.  But some days are still hard.  Sometimes the smallest thing can trigger a hard day, and I'll cry and cry.  This doesn't happen very often, but I think that even when I'm old and wobbly there will still be hard days where I miss my mom.  She visits me in my dreams, and sometimes I wake up thinking it was all a mistake.  She's going to walk in the room and say, "Good morning, Bitsy." Of course I know this will never happen; I'm not crazy.  It makes me sad that she'll never get to know my children, but then I think that the God I know and love has allowed my mom to watch over us and let her see things in my children that I have not seen yet.  Having a little girl was a big deal to me.  I hope and pray that I can grow old and experience things with my daughter that I didn't get to experience with my mom: her first date, her high school graduation and moving into her college dorm room, her wedding and the birth of her children.  I hope to experience the little things with her like her first pedicure, and I hope she'll be able to talk to me about all the things that are so huge to a teenage girl like how girls can be so cruel and how she has a huge crush on the popular boy who doesn't know she exists.

While I still find myself asking God why He let this happen, I know I'll never know or understand why.  I just know that God needed a special angel, and my mom was the one for the job.  I also know that I'll see her again one day, and in that I find peace.

Did I Shower Today?

I knew I'd be busy with three kids, but I didn't know exactly how busy.  My house is usually a mess, and sometimes I'm still in my pajamas at noon.  There are dishes in the sink, and when was the last time I had a proper shower?  The laundry is piled high and I can't remember if I brushed my teeth or just the kids' teeth, so I'll have to do it again.  While I love my children more than anything, and of course I did actively choose to have three of them, I just don't have any time to myself.  If I'm not changing diapers, playing with transformers or cleaning my house, I'm working on stuff for my job at the church.  I love scrapbooking, but the last time I had a chance to sit down and work on it was when Eli was just a few months old.  Quiet time with my homeboy (that'd be Jesus) has gone by the wayside.
Many people are talking and starting to ask questions, so I'm just going to throw it out there.  In light of my busy schedule, it's time for me to move on from my position as Children's Ministry Director at church and focus on being a mommy.  While I have loved my job, it's time for me to be a little selfish.  I'm swamped at home, and I need to create a little time for myself.  Jaxson will be at Carver next year, and Eli will be at St. Stephen, and I want to be able to be a good classroom mom and PTO member for each kiddo.  I want to play with my kids and not worry about who is teaching Sunday school this week.  I want to be able to scrapbook and not think of preparing lessons for Sunday.  I want to get back into the schedule of having my quiet time each day.  I'm excited that God has given me the opportunity to stay home with my babies, as they are a precious gift from Him.  While I think that these are my children, I know that they are really His, and He has just trusted me to take care of them and raise them to follow Him.  So that's what I'm going to do.  Thank you, God, for trusting me with three little lives.  Help me to love them like You do and watch over them as You do.  Help me to train them up to follow You and handle them with care.  There is no greater gift that You could give me, and I thank you.